Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just high enough for therapy.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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