Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
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We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
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You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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