Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize