He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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