I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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