i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
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maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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