Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize