Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
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the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
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Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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