Even the bartender felt bad for me
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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