the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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