the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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