you mean i was at the winter classic?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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