i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
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That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
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He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize