u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize