everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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