just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize