dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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