So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
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Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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