This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
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I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
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woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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