Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
accomplished twins. life is a go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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