I wish I could teleport
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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