can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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