i need an iv and a liver transplant
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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