I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
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Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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