this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
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I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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