i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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