so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize