moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize