Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize