Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
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i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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