This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
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My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
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Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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