Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
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Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
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After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize