I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
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It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
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Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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