i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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