i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
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If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
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direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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