i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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