How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The ass gains better be worth it
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