We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
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I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
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Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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