my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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