you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize