My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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