My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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