I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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