All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she was so not down for the gang bang
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize