I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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