anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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