I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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