if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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