Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
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There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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