I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i think i just lost a toe
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